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Red Flags Indicating Disruptive Communications Habits
Instead of Saying What Is Wanted ...
Saying nothing
Hinting
Expressing dislikes, the negative of what one wants: "I don't
want..."
Asking questions Instead of statlng feelings. "What do you want to do?
Or, don't you think that....?"
Launching statements with the pronoun you as the subject: "You
should/shouldn't..."
Criticisms: "Why did you, Why didn't you...?"
Blame: ''If you hadn't, If you had of..."
Complaints: ''I don't like you to... or I never get to...."
Critical Innuendo
Irritated or accusatory tone of voice
Instead of Receptive Listening ...
Continuing with own train of thought, ignoring instead of incorporation what
the other person has just said
Focus on what is wrong Instead of what is right with what the other is saying
Interpretive response, especially if it Includes projections of own
feelings attributed to the speaker: "You just want..."
Contradicting response: "Yes, but..."
No response, verbal or nonverbal
Instead of Symmetry ...
Unequal air time (length that each person talks)
Different voice volumes
Different rates of speech
Unequal speaking and listening roles
Instead of a Summarizing Statement
No summarizing statements
Summarizing statements that omit what one person said
From conflict to resolution by Susan Heitier, Ph.D., provided by Birdsong Education ~ Counseling Services
